Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Amazing God
Okay.
My head is still spinning.
But within the space of two days
My life is suddenly so very full of peace,
I can’t believe how overwhelming
Everything once seemed.
And now, today,
No more.
Lord, Your faithfulness is abounding
And Your Grace is wonderful.
I wish I could appreciate it better
But it is sufficient for me, right now.
Lord, help me do this right
And give me the strength to succeed.
I need You more than ever, and forever
And now is no different.
Everything can be wonderful
Or it could crash and burn
Depending on how I choose to live
And who I decide to live for.
Be my guiding light and true friend
And the reason I’m alive
Don’t let me give myself away
To the wrong ideals or creatures
(Even those of You).
Beauty! Intense and blinding beauty!
It’s all I see now, and all I can remember
Great things, beautiful things, holy things!
I am amazed, astonished, awed.
You have blessed me over and over
And once again, this day!
Lovely! Virtuous! Your adjectives are lost
And can’t be used on this earth.
Yet every day, I behold them in your creation
And in the face in my mind’s eye.
Help me to achieve this glorious goal!
Lift me to that unattainable level!
Otherwise, I will be unable, and incapable
But through your Love for me, I love.
Amazing Love! Amazing Grace! Amazing God!
Heal this pitiful heart, and patched soul
And cleanse these sins to wind-blown dust
Hold me tightly, simply, wholly.
Like true North, center in my life
Stay focused, keep the light burning
I would take her hand, and run to You
So that we never stop, until we get there.
Amazing Love.
Amazing Grace.
Amazing God!
______________________
Thursday, October 8, 2009
A Deleted Draft
Pardon the appearance of this email. I find myself going off on long tangents, and therefore wind up spouting absolute nonsense onto the abstract paper that is this email. If I start rambling, by all means, skip around. This could get long.
Unfortunately, my words are limited to the invisible wall I have up around me, meant to block out everything I can’t understand, and don’t want to become. Sure, I have an “open mind”, and I’m willing to listen to your ideas (however meaningless or arbitrary they really are) and deduce for myself whether I’ll add your ideas to my inventory of useless material or my growing shelves of knowledge. This applies to almost everyone I come into contact with, and whether they know it or not, I’ve often immediately judged them according to whatever they just said. Something I have to work on, I’m afraid. But yes, it’s true, I’ve judged you before, and now, if you can remember, look back and think of something you’ve said that wasn’t preferable, or in that case, appropriate, and imagine the judgment raining down upon your head from me. Does a past offense impact my current understanding of your character? Probably not. Will a future slip-up result in a blasphemous end-all to your status? I doubt it. And yet, the judgment is still there, lying silent in the ever-darkening corners of my soul, waiting to attack with greater and greater force each time an opportunity arises.
* * *
I found this email in the Drafts portion of my webmail. It’s dated June 2008, and for the life of me, I can’t remember who I was writing to. It could have been Bill Clinton, from the harshness of the words I used. There is no memory of the events that were occurring then, or the emotions I was dealing with. There was someone I was mentally judging, and this was an email letting them know of it and washing my hands of them. Whoever you are, I’m glad I didn’t send this to you.But I’m sort of happy this was only in the drafts. I must have either wimped out, or decided on a less-hostile version. Whatever the reason, this sparked my interest and I wanted to share it before it got deleted. I dunno why…seemed worthy of a public diss. Enjoy.
__________________
Monday, July 27, 2009
Creativity is the Enemy
I’m trying to be creative this week.
Yes, that’s impossible. I know. But I am. And it’s sad. Working to be creative just doesn’t…work. You have to be inspired, and have the creative spirit descend upon your being and move you in ways that are truly impossible otherwise. Anyway, that’s the only way can be creative.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a short story, called “7 Gifts”. It’s about a man struggling with the loss of his wife. Not that I’ve ever experienced anything close to what that must be like, but it seemed inspired. Who knows what people will be touched by it, or change some aspect of their heart or relationship for the better because of it.
As artists, I feel that that mindset is how we get out earthly enjoyment from our art. Sure, as artists, our work is for the glory and honor of God, and we should look for His pleasure in our offerings. But everyone enjoys seeing their fruits benefit in the immediate, and to see others have their lives changed, even in a small degree, is very rewarding.
But as for this week, the looming sensation of incompletion, something that strives for release, is crouching at the base of my skull. Kinda like the feeling you get when you know you forgot something… or there’s someone standing right behind you, frowning. It’s restlessness. I’ve felt it before. Intense restlessness building. Fortunately, I’m going across-country in two weeks, so maybe the feeling will get squashed for a few months afterwards. Happened last time. Perhaps again…
This is my wandering mind. I’m putting off a video project to write this. Just….an annoying nagging that I’m missing something again. Help a brother out if you know what it is.
__________________
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
A True Beauty
I am watching a true beauty today. She flashes across my screen time and time again, and I am fascinated by her. As she dances, the camera captures every facial expression, every movement of her fingers and arms, every strand of hair out of place, and I am somehow peaceful. After months of mental struggle and unease, years of wondering, hoping, praying, and being UNpeaceful…somehow, there is peace in my heart. Perhaps God is preparing me for something. Perhaps He is letting me know, in an undeniable way, that everything is taken care of already.
So watching this gorgeous dancer, this beauty, jump and twirl across my monitor in joyous Grace, I am given, yet again, Grace sufficient. And I will carry on.
__________________
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Pieces
Broken. Repaired. Shattered. Swept. Edges. Curves. Pieces.
There are so many ways to describe a life, using our human understanding of whole, unbroken objects. In my case, I can describe my own mind, my own heart, and my own soul as objects, to be understood.
My heart is not whole. It was broken, many times, and now I wait for God, the One who broke it, to put it back together. My soul is His as well, and He constantly shapes it to His own will. My mind, although mine, is still under His authority, and should be kept whole as long and strong as possible.
Glass. Stones. Twigs. Droplets. Bits. Pieces.
However, because my heart is broken, I look for earthly things to piece it together with myself. It is my nature, and I have to keep remembering to leave the pieces alone. But still, I feel incomplete. There, on the ground, my shattered heart has found what it thinks it needs to complete itself. This person, this woman it has discovered, has become a piece of the original puzzle, and now lies scattered with the others, waiting to be placed in. Will she fit? Is she meant to have a place in the final masterpiece? Can she mould herself to the required form and become a permanent part of my heart (though I would gladly make room for her)? These are the questions I ask. And now more often than ever, because a sense of urgency has begun to break over the horizon.
Drafts. Sketches. Shavings. Shreds. Cuts. Splinters. Bricks. Pieces.
Now, more than ever, I must evaluate myself, and strive to complete the work I am given. Time waits for none, and so I wait in earnest, praying that when I am finished, I am not too late. Yet, with every glance, hope is renewed. With each sighting, as a sinking ship hails a rescue boat, my resolve is renewed. Though each time she leaves, another piece of my heart is ripped from its hasty mortar and I am left gasping for another minute, I am encouraged by the strength lent for yet another period of waiting. If, at my young age, I can wait for a little longer, could I imagine what wonders and miracles can be achieved when I am older and time is on my side?
If that’s what looking forward is like, it must be stunning to look back.
Individual. Separate. Apart. Fragments. Sections. Divisions. Pieces.
Whole.
_____________________
Saturday, March 14, 2009
What’s in a Kiss?
Okay. I’m going to talk about the kiss. Please note that any reference to kissing, smooching, making out, or otherwise engaging in the intimate physical action known as “the kiss” is from absolutely no personal experience, and is all taken and construed from watching, viewing, and understanding from a non-biased point of view. Thanks.
So, what is a kiss? Physically, it’s the touching of your lips to another person. Kiss someone on the cheek, and it’s a friendly greeting or silly gesture. Kiss them on the forehead, and it’s a symbolic action of devotion and care. Kiss someone on the lips, and you’ve taken a romantic relationship to a new level. Maybe after reading it that way, it doesn’t make too much sense, but then again, our culture has screwed up a lot of meaning. In this post, I’m addressing the lip-kiss, or mouth-kiss, and want to show how very far we’ve gotten from the original intent and meaning of the kiss.
In our culture, a kiss has become the everyday occurrence, dumbed down from its original intent to something so mundane that we think nothing of it. When people kiss, it could be for any number of reasons: They love each other; they hate each other; they want to get someone jealous; their conversation lagged; there was nothing better to do; one of them wants to have sex with the other; one of them is testing the other’s ability to kiss; no reason, really. In fact, there is more kissing happening that isn’t sincere that the kind that is. People in movies and tv shows kiss, and therefore, the actors have to kiss each other. There are games mocking kissing, and books about kissing, and everywhere you look, young couples are kissing. But is this the way we should treat it? As just another thing that humans do? As another factor including with breathing and eating and sleeping?
Can we understand what a kiss really is? Would that change how we treat it? What if I told you that a kiss is the culmination of every aspect of our human realm, and contains some of what we don’t understand. That a kiss is all physical, emotional, spiritual; symbolic, romantic, and devotional; a sign of trust and belief, of love and endurance, or faith and hope, all rolled into one action. That when we lean in and kiss that person, we’re doing so much more than just saying, “I love you” or “you’re cute.” Just the idea of how carelessly we throw around a kiss is kinda sick now, isn’t it?
To me, a kiss is more than a gesture or an action of intimacy. It’s a direct spiritual correlation to the Church of Christ, and us as the bride to be, and the bridegroom who will take us for His own at the end and beginning of all things. It’s a maritial symbol- one that expresses wholeness and purity, and promises to be true to each other at the beginning of the joining relationship. Why else would the whole tradition of, “You may now kiss the bride” started? Not after both of them had been making out for years.
I don’t plan on kissing anybody until my wedding day, and only after I have fully given my heart to my wife, and she has given hers to me, and we have both offered our lives to Christ, who is the ultimate Bridegroom. In this way, my oath is solidified before many witnesses, and I am held so very accountable.
* * *
I guess there are a few questions you can answer for yourself. Be honest, and listen to whatever convictions you have. These are my own personal beliefs, and I feel strongly about them, but you might have your own. Read them anyway, and see what you think.
- Do you feel like you’ve kept your relationships pure?
- Do you think any personal, intimate moments were shared with the utmost sincerity?
- How often do you kiss people with no real meaning or understanding of its meaning?
- Do you apply your convictions about kissing to any other aspect of your lifestyle?
_______________________
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Be Mine…or Be Thine
…Yeah, that was the induction of very Old English into my post’s title, and yes, it was only for cute rhyming reasons. (Come to think of it, all my titles have some weird meaning…hmm) Anyway, I wanted to post something on Valentine’s Day, but not for just all my friends to read (I want to appear to be far above this commotion). So I’ll probably be rambling, considering I have not thought about this blog at all, and will, in fact, be making the entire thing up as I go along. I hope you enjoy.
Okay, so every year, about three weeks to a month before (and still going backwards annually), stores and websites begin displaying pink, purple, and white color palettes, selling large pink bags of candy and boxes of chocolates, and hanging signs and banners about sales and hearts and, finally, they all say it: Valentine’s Day.
Seriously. If a foreigner came to America during this time period, stayed until February 14th, and then left…he’d be back home telling all his friends we deserve to be blown into tiny pieces. “They’re a bunch of idiots! Who wears pink for a full month, and still has an army?!”
But maybe other countries are conforming, too. After all, Americans set many of the trends. They say things, and other countries listen, whether they’ll admit it or not. We’re a pretty cool country. Yanks win wars, and hug little kids, and have cool beards, and destroy Communism. We stand for a lot. But there’s so many things we’re missing. For instance, Americans don’t understand what love is.
We have Disney, and Disney promotes “Follow your dreams” and “True love’s kiss” and tells families they have to cater to kids, but they have no idea what real Love is. In most films and movies we’ve made, love is very selfish. Certainly in all the commercialism and advertisement and money-making of the fourteenth, love can be bought and paid for with your Visa card.
To really get to my point…we’ve cheapened Love (and you know what I mean by now when I capitalize that word) until it has become just another happy/sad emotion, and we put it on and shrug it off like a jacket. “Don’t feel like being alone right now? Go make friends and get into a relationship. When you’re tired of that, break up and stay single for a while.” And then that mindset got into marriages, and we started divorcing on a whim, because no one really knows what Love is.
When my friends, who are too young to really understand how to love someone enough to carry on a meaningful relationship, get into what they think is a meaningful relationship, I have to clap my hands over my mouth and hide in my room for a day or two. Because I know what’s going to happen. Sooner or later, they will both realize what they’re getting themselves into. If one of those people hasn’t gotten into the on/off routine yet, they walk away from that relationship so hurt, it makes me want to cry. I know that when they walked away, they left a piece of their soul with that person. In effect, that person stole a part of their soul, and then destroyed it. And they can’t figure out why this happened. And they’ll never be the same.
Dramatic? Yes. But no less dramatic than how you feel at the moment you discover your love was nothing more than temporary fuel for a selfish, lifeless hunger. We look to fill the void with things, and money, and friends, and then relationships. Relationships seem to work a little longer, and a little better, and they definitely answer that desire for physical fulfillment. But in the end, when there’s nothing to hold onto except Love, and instead, you have a cheap, mock-up, off-brand product with no grip and less-than-100%…everyone dies.
I challenge you (and by you, I mean whoever reads this anymore) not to get mad as the commercialism. I ask you to not feel left out of anything because you aren’t in a relationship with anyone. Instead, I implore you to delve into the Bible, and into your relationship with God and Jesus Christ, and discover for yourself what REAL, ACTUAL, 100% LOVE is. And if you ever figure that out, you’ll never feel lonely or sorry for yourself ever again. I’ll name a few things Real Love will do (and not do) this day.
Real Love will never complain. Even if it has to wait.
Real Love will be quiet when it must, and speak when the need arises.
Real Love will be content with whatever stage of relationship God allows.
Real Love will understand the difference between physicality and spirituality.
Real Love will acknowledge that sin exists. It will also kill that sin whenever possible.
Real Love will put the other person before itself, and therefore hurt itself to keep the other from harm.
Real Love will always be there.
Real Love will wait.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Changes
As it is with the coming new year, and all-too-quickly-over Christmas ’08, I begin to ponder the immense changes that frequently occur at this time of year. So many tasks pile up, I am forced to resort back to stone-age methods of reminders, such as tying knots or producing bruises (or the more modern method- Write a note on my iPhone). Along with the countless things to do before the new year arrives, I must consistently remind myself of the more-than-plenty number of things NOT to do, to THINK, or to SAY (or not to). This complicates life just a bit more, and causes my brain to randomly shut down for a few seconds in spurts throughout the day.
Of course, who doesn’t enjoy the looming promise of pressure and stress? I mean, as soon as I step foot on that college, my life will have drastically changed from being almost entirely dependent on others, to being entirely dependent on God. In most circumstances, I’ll have to take care of myself, with no one else to be responsible. School, bills, chores, work, deadlines, relationships, future plans…it all begins piling up until I smother under the enormous weight of responsibility.
Well, hopefully not. I hear most of that stuff is a drop in the bucket compared to other things. I’m not afraid…only worried that I’ll fail before I succeed. (And I HATE failing! You know that little ditty: “If at first you don’t succeed…” Yeah, well, I killed the person who thought up that crap.)
It’s never as hard as you think. It’s never as complicated or intense as it’s originally pictured. I take comfort in this. But honestly, what’s more exciting, or scary, than walking out the front door you’ve called “yours” for 20 years, and becoming completely independent? Maybe marriage…but that’s not really scary. Kids? I don’t know. Either way, it’s a new chance to show myself what I’m made of, and then when I’m not made of enough, let God grab me and lead the way. He’s got more experience than me, after all.
_______________________
Monday, December 15, 2008
Ache
Lord God, give me the strength to outlast this earthly force that drives me to speak when I must be silent.
Please calm the storm that makes my head spin and fly off, leaving my body lacking control.
Please ease the ache in my heart that screams “More! More! MORE!”
Please hold out Your hand and take hold of me, and show me that when I feel this “need” for a deeper relationship with someone, it is because I lack a real relationship with You.
Please inhabit my soul and fill me with your Peace.
Please show me that if I fear, it is because I do not trust You.
Please reassure me that everything is in Your hands, and that I can wait if You are with me.
Please Lord…be with me.
_________________________
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Fuggettaboutet
No, seriously…forget about it. Drop the memory. Lose the thought. Let your mind wander. Let your freedom soar. It’s gone far away, and if you chase it, only disappointment will follow.
I’m sorry. That’s depressing.
But it’s true. Sometimes, when you lose things, you should get them back. Like family members. And strong friendships. And God. But other times, when what you want slips away, and you want to chase it…you must let it go. Basically, whatever’s the hard thing to do is usually the right thing to do. And no lying to yourself about what’s hard.
Yeah, I know you people. I watch you. I talk to you. I KNOW YOU. If it’s not money, it’s relationships.
“Oh no, I lost her! Maybe I should do something romantic to get her back! Hmm…maybe I’ll SLEEP WITH HER! Yeah, that’s a good idea!”
“Oh no! He doesn’t like me anymore! Maybe I should try to draw him back. Hmmm…let’s see. Oh yeah! I’ll act like a SLUT! Whoo hoo! That’s SMART!”
Okay, well, it’s convincing. No, really…you’ve convinced me that there’s no possible way on this earth that you’ll ever have a meaningful relationship with anybody. You’ve completely made up my mind for me. There’s not a single chance on this planet of your ever finding somebody you can live with for the rest of your life. Selfishness, greed, pity, temptation, self-inflicted mental torment…I’ve seen it all. Don’t you ever wonder why so many couples get divorced? Why so many cheat on their spouses? Why premature, immature relationships never work?
So the next time something like this happens to you (and it will…if not a romantic relationship, then a friend or a family member), try to think of all the things you did to encourage it. All the stuff you said to provoke it. All the misleading, manipulating, judging, conniving, cowering, lying, and controlling you did to help grow you apart. And then drop that incriminating finger you’re pointing. Forget about them. Look at yourself. Are you ready?
____________________
Friday, October 24, 2008
Seen and Spoken
What’s the difference, anyway?
I mean, people spend their whole lives backbiting and abusing their way to the top of the food chain, and after they’ve reached the top, they slide back down into stagnation because someone with a grudge can beat them up. And then there are the people who live the quiet life, content to be who they are and know what they know, and die without ever having done anything special. Well, congratulations! If you can live a life like that, more…err, less power to you!
I don’t know why, but I’m not content to be quiet. I have no plans of settling down and being “Mr. Chimento, Boring Extraordinaire!” I feel like I have more to live for than a desk job and a couple of kids. More than a 9-to-5 and church every Sunday. I want to have a family. I WANT to provide for them. But very strongly pushing its way out of my soul is a beast discontent with standard society. And what sort of life has a checklist like, “Walk in the footsteps of the Apostle Paul”, and “Start a Revolution in America”? I have no ideas yet. I have no reason to feel like I’m meant for more. But I do. And I feel it so strongly, that it’s hard to not lay down what I’m sort of dreading doing, and immediately hop a plane to nowhere in particular (despite the fact I’m totally broke).
The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Well, if he takes away the restlessness for a few years, I wouldn’t mind it at all. But since I’m living with this constant, tiny nagging in my heart, I refuse to be anything other than seen and spoken. If I’m going to UCF this next semester, I will not accept staying in the background, in whatever I do. If I have to get a basic, anybody-who’s-nobody job, I refuse to work it and not be noticed. And the only way I’ll ever do this is if GOD is BIGGER than me, and LIVES WITHIN me, and BOILS OUT of me, and SHOWS the WORLD that a CHRISTIAN who LOVES HIM can make a lot of noise, bring God to millions, and not be moved or shaken.
Can I do that? Can I humble myself to nothing but an outer shell, and let God take over? If so, through Him, I can accomplish anything.
____________________
Friday, October 10, 2008
Treasure On Earth
Don’t hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it’s safe from moth and rust and burglars. It’s obvious, isn’t it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.
-Matthew 19-21; The Message
So who knows anything about treasure? It’s valuable, right? It’s precious. People kill other people for it. Empires are built on it, and they fall because of it. Human beings become savages, forsake their God, and turn to evil, in order to seek it. Treasure.
Basically, treasure is what we as humans have deemed worthy of our desire. Gold is precious, because it’s shiny and hard to find. Hundreds of years ago, if people had found a uranium deposit, they probably would have thrown it away, because gold was the most valuable thing anyone could find. Even diamonds weren’t as costly. Today, different things are worth more. Oil is quickly becoming the valuable resource, because it’s running out. After it runs out, the new energy source will be the most valuable thing on the planet. Nations will fight wars over these two things. Thousands, probably hundreds of thousands or millions will die. The world will change drastically, all because of a slick oily substance we put in our cars and power plants.
Well, these are earthly treasures. As Christians, as God-Followers, we must not become involved in the race for these treasures. We must focus on God, on Christ, and allow Him to lead us. When we concern ourselves with the bickering of this world, we are left defenseless and open to the enemy’s attack, and we will walk away from what is REALLY important.
I’m having such a hard time staying focused. I can blame the times…the elections, the energy quarrels, the war, the nuclear crisis, the fate of the world…but really it’s my own ability to block out what’s around me and face my God straight on and say, “Please hold me!” Now, more than ever, I need my God. And when I push Him away, or ignore Him, or forget Him, I am willingly leaving the only Treasure I’ll ever need.
________________________
Saturday, September 6, 2008
No More Time
Ahhhhh….so what now?
Now that I have no time left for, well, anything so depressing…NOW I admit how shamefully lost I am. God is here, and I am not. And it’s not just my relationship with the Lord that has fallen. It’s my relationships with everybody. I have alienated myself from the world, and sit on the sidelines, cynically gazing in on its dealings, with little to no feeling for anything. I’ve numbed my mind, numbed my conscience, and now I’ve got the overwhelming feeling of havig no time left. And on top of a lack of relationships, there’s the weight of a woman crushing my skull in, sitting on my mind night and day, and not going away.
Aww, how cute. He’s got a little mushy-mushy on someone. It’ll go away.
Yah, I wish. I’ve been saying that for two years. What do you do when the situation warrants silence, the friendship is at stake if a move is made, but you feel like throwing caution to the winds, shouting it out in the streets, and telling everyone you know how cool you feel? I found the answer: Keep your mouth shut, tell no one, and deal with it. And the comfort I can give myself is that, well, it’s the hardest thing to do, and therefore, it must be the best way to go. I feel no remorse. Only that nagging mental and physical longing for something more. I DON’T NEED THIS NOW! I need to worry about God! I need to focus on school! I need to make enough money to support a family first! I need to grow up! I need to get a life!
I’m stressing out, I guess. Cleaning house this current semester, and freaking about how much is left to do, doesn’t go well with 1) No money, and 2) No time. It’s NOW that I need God, and I can’t put Him off. It’d just be really nice if He’d wipe some stuff out of my head first…at least for now.
____________________
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Faith, and Faith’s Face
A man without faith is as useless as a marriage with no love.
Take it from the top: A marriage with a loveless connection between the couple is worth nothing. How can either survive without some form of love bond? Isn’t that what marriage is about? (I mean…it should be…)
So then what are we doing, walking around, going to church, praying, laughing, hoping…with no faith? How can we survive in a world this terrible, and “look forward” to a better life in Christ, without faith? We should just all kill ourselves and have done.
* * *
Well, since that is a horrible thought, I’m going to try and redeem it the best I can, without losing too much substance in the bitingly-cynical understanding of Christianity I am currently in possession of.
Faith is a Godly thing. It arises from an understanding of “knowing nothing” and a child-like trust in God taking care of us, whether it is best for us to die or live, to be poor or wealthy, to be alone or surrounded by friends. Faith gives us the strength to believe that whatever God gives us (or takes away), He does it for the good of everybody. And since this is the hardest thing to understand, one is normally left gasping and struggling for peace and closure, and caught in a usually fruitless search for understanding. “Why, God? Why do You let this happen?” No, no, no, NO! That’s all wrong! The question should be: “How, God? How can I let this change me?” It’s a new train of thought, perhaps, but is it totally revolutionary? Isn’t it what Christ taught in his own country, back in the year 34, or whatever it was?
I’m currently writing a script about Faith. It’s an exploration, really. Each script is. It explores the extent of my own knowledge (what I know, what I don’t, and what’s hidden away, back in the recesses…) and then draws on other’s to complete it, whatever the outcome is. I never know what the end result will be, definitively, but I have a basic idea, and therefore…a script-in-progress. I’ll post the story-version in a few months. Haha.
Think about it. Think about your Faith, and where your stance is, and what you have to lose. Can you forfeit your faith through your actions? Is your Faith dependent on a physical experience with God, in some humanized way? Is your Faith subject to your personal emotions, and if so, is it therefore easily shaken? These are good questions to find the right answers to, because who knows? You might end up having to answer them in more serious circumstances one day.
_____________________
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Regain
How does one regain a lost trust? How does one lose what is foundationally theirs? How does one destroy what is pure? How does one not?Suppose all this is just a test…a test to see what we won’t do, because of the pitiful state of our souls, and the inevitible outcome of our lives. Heck, even the best person in the world can’t NOT screw his life up at one point. There’s always regret. There’s always something that could have been done differently.
Trust is so easily lost, and friendship is so wearily regained. Is it possible to do it right, for once?
__________________
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Concrete
Gahh…
It’s so hard to be quiet when I want to shout. It’s so hard to keep my peace when I want to wake the dead. Sing, jump around, yell it, throw things…anything…but be quiet and reserved. I’m learning something, I guess…patience…but patience is the hardest lesson to learn. At least for now.
Read any psalm where David calls out to God for deliverance from an enemy that hunts him ceaselessly. He calls out in desperation, crying for peace and justice. How does one feel, however, when that battle of wills is internal, mental, and fought on abstract ground? Helpless, hopeless, and unable to go to others for help…basically the same, I suppose. No one but God to cry out to, and plead for relief.
Thoughts are thoughts, until they become words. Once a thought is voiced, it no longer retains its innocence, secrecy, or purity. It has become subject to any and all limits and restrictions this world has to shackle it with…and now I’m just blabbing. By all means, read on in my fruitless, mindless ramblings.
Here’s the main objective: Make it through tomorrow without breaking down and ruining everything. Make it through tomorrow without saying a word. Struggle on, praying for God’s grace, that in place of irrational emotion, my heart would be filled with the comfort of knowing that HE IS ALL. And maybe…just maybe…that fulfillment will encompass later what needs to leave my head right now.
High five to anyone who understands what I’m talking about.
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Sunday, July 6, 2008
No Replays
You ruined it.
Yes, and don’t deny it, either. You went and destroyed the very thing you long for, and wound up hurting others in the process, including yourself. You killed a friendship, you made group situations uncomfortable, you built up self-pity and superficial affection to enormous proportions, you gave in to an unsatisfying mental desire, and therefore, you completely ruined everything. Good job.
That’s how the enemy sounds when he whines in your ear. True, and yet very damning indeed. It’s true, because, well, you did do all that. You jumped ahead of yourself way too soon, and ruined something beautiful and pure and holy. But the damnation that follows is only honored if you don’t repent, forgive, fix, and move on. Stay still and stew in your own guilt, and yeah, you’ll get stuck for a long time.
What I’m addressing are relationships that are immature, self-centered, and TOO SOON. Yes, everyone in the world has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and yes, they all seem joyful and happy. Whatever. Take a good look at any one of those premature relationships, and you’ll see far too many selfish agendas for a healthy union. As Christians, we should know what Love is! “Patient, kind, not envious, not boasting, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking…” Wait…not “self-seeking”. There it is. Lucky number 7. Selfish ambitions are a lost cause if you want a real relationship with someone. And in my inexperienced opinion, I believe that if the world still revolves around you (and here you have to be honest with yourself), you shouldn’t BE in a relationship with anyone. Sorry. Had to say it.
So for now, what do you do with your incredibly difficult-to-manage emotions? You want someone to talk to to fill that empty gap in your soul. You feel a connection that goes way deeper than simply friendship. You need a relationship that dives to depths of understanding and intimacy nothing else can offer. You…you…you. How can you not see this? You realize that in every flawed and broken relationship you’ve ever had, the only problem that ever made any difference was it was all about YOU. Both parties only thought about themselves, and therefore, it wasn’t a relationship.
What we need, before we enter into any romance, is a strong relationship with GOD. When we are drowned in His overflowing Love, Grace, Peace, Goodness, Mercy, Wisdom, Patience, Faithfulness…we won’t need a romantic ANYTHING. He is sufficient. There’s no other way to say it. We need to strengthen our bond with God: Spend time in His Word, the Bible; pray constantly, for and about everything; Worship unceasingly…give all praise and glory to Him, for He is worthy of everything we are, and more. Talk with God. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and thus, we can converse with Him on one-on-one terms. Take advantage of that…do not misuse (or not use at all) a gift He has given all of us.
Once God has become our everything…our All In All…our I AM…then, and only then, should we concern ourselves with romance.
Right now, the hardest thing for me is to follow my own advice up there. I have such a hard time keeping my own emotions squashed, and then it is such a relief to pour them out at the feet of God, and offer them back. My fears…”What if something happens while I’m waiting?” “What if I’m just delusional?” “What if I screw up and ruin everything?” I must hand it all over and cry for peace. My doubts…”God, if I’m not right with you now, when will I ever be ready?” Questions for later. For now, it’s about walking trustfully in the way of Christ, and stepping boldly past every sinful desire or fear that crosses my mind. I’m only human, and prone to sin far too easily. In order to consider myself ready, I must wait for God’s voice. In the meantime, I’ll be working on the rest.
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Friday, July 4, 2008
Look Both Ways…
It is my goal to strive for something immortal, so that, when I am dead and gone, my immortal goal lives on.
* * *
What does that mean? Why would we, as extremely mortal beings, work to achieve something that will live longer than us? What will that do for us? What’s the point?
Then again, what’s the point of even living? We’re only gonna be sucking air for another, what, eighty years? What can we possibly achieve in 80 years, that will earn immortality status? Why work your butt off for an unattainable, worthless goal that you won’t ever see again? Kill yourself now, end the suffering, and the world won’t even miss you.
Convinced? Neither am I. I’ve only been alive for 19 years, and I’m already able to see what could happen in 80 years, and how I could be a part of it. No, I don’t have high aspirations of grandeur. Heck, what I want to do most is have a family…most people would consider that “a hindrance to your career.” So how could a guy with a wife and some kids ever attain immortality?
Well, I don’t want to. Yeah, I said it. I don’t want immortality. Not here, anyway. Who would want to live on earth forever? It’s boring here. There’re wars here. People kill other people, and then try to think of disgusting things to do to the rest of them. I don’t wanna live here forever! I don’t even want to live here ’til I’m 80! So honestly, worldy immortality is out of the question for me.
So what am I getting at? Where are all the high-flown agendas of a lonely sophomore?
Currently…being suppressed. I’m starting a business, and the only reason for that is to be able to support my family when I get older. I’m going to college…but only so I can support my family better. After college…I want a family. (Again, I might not get it…but I gotta plan, just in case.) My life revolves around a very abstract idea, and not much of an idea at that: How can I be used?
Once I learn to put selfishness behind me, I can be shaped and molded, and brought into fruitfulness. And even then, I have no idea what I could do. God could make me climb a mountain for absolutely no visible reason whatsoever. I might end up making movies that change the way people see certain issues. Or I could die, and something greater would happen. How should I know? I am not omnipotent.
So really, the hardest thing for me, right now, is to learn to focus on and use the moments I’ve been given, in order to strengthen the good things that are weak, to break down the bad things that are strong, and walk down the path untrodden. It’s tough. It’s tough to stop peeking ahead and guessing at the next bend, or hesitate because of insecurity. So keep my gaze focused on the goal immortal, tread soundly and surely on solid ground, and remember to look both ways before crossing the street. And I’ll get there, as promised, and live in eternity with the angels, worshiping God forever.
Sounds more fun than a statue, doesn’t it?
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Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Apologies to Those of Weakened Hearts
This new one’s on love relationships. I’m seeing them all over the place now, from adults to 4th graders. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, going to movies, having sex, cheating, breaking up, divorcing, ignoring, forgetting…not caring. It’s scary what can happen when the whole relationship is based on the opposite of Love…self. Yeah, real love takes no consideration for self whatsoever. And therefore, real Love goes against everything this world has taught us about love.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can focus on the go-abouts of a romantic relationship, in all its gory detail. (Note: This is all drawn from my personal experience. What I feel works for me. You might have your own opinion, and that’s fine…but go ahead and read mine with some willingness to listen to, at least, the message.)
Let’s start with a definition.
“Date” (noun) – when used in reference to a personal or romantic relationship, it is a specific time and place thought out ahead of time and met by both persons who have done the agreeing, in order to further the relationship in a personal and intimate way.
I have never dated anyone. Doesn’t mean I never wanted to, or seriously thought about it…but so far, I haven’t been on one “date” with anyone. I made a promise to myself about 8 years ago that I wouldn’t date anyone until I felt God was leading me to. This promise was made out of ignorance of a real push for a relationship…I had no idea how hard it would be.
I have never had sex with anyone. Okay, that’s not too surprising in the Christian world, right? Yeah, but I’ve never held hands, hugged, kissed, carried, danced, felt, or otherwise made physical contact with anyone in a romantic way, either. Do you know why? Because all of these things just help pave the way for the first big one. Really, admit it: The first time you held a girl’s (or guy’s, if you’re a woman) hand, you were in heaven. But any time after that, there was the push for more and more. More contact. Maybe hold her in your arms. More than a hug. Maybe a kiss. More than a kiss. It leads to the end, and the end is your VIRGINITY. Is that worth the hand-holding? (Now, of course I know that everyone who holds hands isn’t necessarily going to have sex before marriage…but there’s always the need for more, remember? It’s too much of a risk for me.)
I’d like to say I’ve never spoiled a relationship by jumping too fast and spouting my mouth off. Unfortunately, I have, and I’m not proud of it. Just one…but still, it was enough to learn from, I hope. Now, thank God, I was the only one with a problem (I won’t go into details…but the other party wasn’t really the sort of person I was gonna spend the rest of my life with…I was way too hasty, and way too confused), but I’m disappointed at how little I thought beforehand. So after this, I’m making sure to clamp my mouth shut and cram my emotions away until I can get my face back in order. Yes, it’s acting. Yes, it’s not a true outpouring of yourself to the other person. But then again, unless I’m dating, I have no right to impose my thoughts on someone else and ruin their life. I’m willing to act a little in order to preserve a good relationship. I won’t lie. If you ask me, I’ll tell you. But I’m not gonna volunteer anything, capeesh?
I’d like to say I’ve never thought anything immoral or “fantasized” about stuff and people. I have, and I’m VERY NOT proud of it. It’s one of the hardest things for a guy to overcome, but that’s still no excuse. A pure relationship stays pure, in both body AND mind. Whenever I get the urge to indulge in vulgar daydreaming, I need to stop and shake my head and clear my thoughts. Think about something else. Beware of the “humble” dreaming…it’s vicious and sinful.
In other words, to the average 19-year-old…my social life sucks. I don’t have a girlfriend. I don’t need a girlfriend. And I don’t plan on having a girlfriend for a long time. However, my plans don’t always reflect God’s, and therefore I must be open to whatever (or whoever) He throws at me before my plan comes into play. What He wants is best for me, and until He says otherwise, I need to stick to my promise and muddle through. It’s hard.
BUT…and here’s the clincher…if I wind up going the rest of my life with no wife, I need to be able to BE CONTENT IN THE LORD. God is all I need! I’d LIKE a wife, but I don’t NEED one! I NEED GOD!
I needed to shout that. Mostly for me. But imagine me shouting that last paragraph. How it should be told in the streets, I suppose. So for now, you’ll see me alone. But hopefully, sometime in the near future, you’ll see my lifelong friend, companion, and wife alongside me wherever I go. And I’ll be a happier man. Until then…be careful of your emotions, your desires, and your physical attractions. Don’t misuse that longing God has given you for Him. Redirect it towards the ONLY companion you’ll EVER need.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Brokenness, brokenness, is what I Long For…
Brokenness is what I need. Brokenness, brokenness is what you want from me. So take my heart, and form it. Take my mind, transform it. Take my will, conform it to Yours, to Yours, oh Lord.
Jesus stretched out His arms on the cross and declared, “It is finished.” That’s kinda how I feel right now. It’s relieving, revitalizing, and restoring me and others to a degree none of us had expected. We are broken, and we stand humble in our brokenness, because there is no other way to grow stronger than to break first.
Before I accept a hard fact, I must break my mind to its stubbornness in refusing to believe. When I drive forward, contrary to my physical desires, I break my body of its lust for comfort. So when I hurt my emotional feelings by tearing an idol away from myself, I break my spirit. Brokenness. And after I am broken, after I have fallen upon Christ, the chief cornerstone, I can truly be mended and reformed and stood up taller and stronger than ever before. And even though it is hard, I must continue to do so. To break myself in order to be built back up. Fall…rise…fall….rise. And all for the glory and edification of Christ. To Him be the glory, and honor, and power, forever and ever.
Amen.
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
God, save us from ourselves
“We are our own worst enemy.” – one of the United States Founding Fathers…maybe Ben Franklin.
I don’t know who said that, but whoever did was absolutely right. There’s no better way to destroy a country, a people, a group, a CHURCH…but from the inside; from the least likely place imaginable. God help us all.
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Monday, January 15, 2007
Birthdays
I’m eighteen! 18. Ten and eight. Fourscore and negative 62 years old. In three years I can legally buy drugs! (I’ve been getting a kick out of telling that to everyone I know. Lame, I know.)
So with great power comes great responsibility. (Great Spiderman quote.) And now that I’m 18, and one of the oldest teens in the youth group, I’ve got to set a good example. Oh…great. Like being the oldest in a family of four isn’t enough. Like being the oldest in almost every group setting I’ve ever been in (except this one!) isn’t demanding enough. Now I have to set the example for my PEERS. Gah! Can I be loved so? Can I be respected that much, that the younger generation, and the people who might admire me, would actually take an example from ME? I thought I was the impressionable, insecure kid! Guess not as much as I thought.
So God, grant me Grace to live up to my age. Please Lord, any help would be wonderful, and of course I can’t do anything without your Grace in the first place. Help me to triumph over this obstacle, which I’ve been given, and which, with your Love, I can overcome.
I’m 99 for a moment…
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Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year!
Cow. It’s 2007. That’s pretty sweet. How crazy is that? I’m graduating in May…May ’07. Seven is my favorite number, and I’m graduating highschool in 2007. Sweet. Anyway, this year’s been absolutely insane, and not always in a good way. This church I’m in is getting more and more nuts by the minute, and every time I turn around, something new happens that throws me into a spiral. So how much different will the new year be? Will I learn from my mistakes last year, and not make the same? Will something new happen…and not ruin my day? Can I say that whatever my problem, or experience, or situation, that God will always be there to turn to for help, for guidance, for elaboration, for life, for joy, for peace, for truth, for love, for greatness, for dependence? Can I shine around this broken world, this shattered planet, and be His light in the darkness? Can I? Can you? Can ya shine?
Live it loud.
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Saturday, December 09, 2006
Time
Haven’t seen the movie’s in a while, but I just read the book, and while I was sitting chatting on my computer, my mom flipped past TNT showing The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, and I heard Gandalf say, “…do all who live…” and I immediately quoted the rest. So, besides the fact that I probably know that movie a little too well (hey, I was a LotR fanatic a few years ago) I still love that quote. I’ll post it here.
“I wish this had never happened to me. I wish the Ring had never come to me,” said Frodo.
“So do all who live to see such times,” said Gandalf. “But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Tolkien’s got it, eh? I underlined the important parts. Read them a few times, and ponder the meaning. It’s not too deep. “That is not for them to decide.” What does that mean? We have no right to change or choose what happens to us. What do he have the choice to decide? “…What to do with the time that is given us.” Ah. So not only do we live in times that bad or troublesome things happen, but that time has been given to us. Why would God give us something bad? To see what your decision is on how to use it? Is this a stewardship thing? Of course. This life isn’t OURS. It’s a gift that’s not earned whatsoever. Are you living it just to leave it? Or are you earning it by living it?
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Friday, December 08, 2006
Bad Day
I’m pretty sure everyone has them…I bet Jesus had a few Himself. Yup, I had a Bad Day.
Ooh. How scary. Yah. Not a real bad one, but it was still kinda annoying. Blah. Well, there’s something done in everything…not like Christian books “finding Christ in Napoleon Dynamite or The Matrix” or stuff like that…I’m talking about character. (Which was what was being challenged today, actually.) So I’m guessing I actually learned something out of it…probably more than I think. Bah, humbug. Christmas might be fun, but I’m thinkin’ it gets harder and harder the older you get. Seems like a real character-building time of the year for some people. (I’ll follow this post up with a depressing Christmas song for you…bwa-ha-ha…) Alright, well, I’m a-gunna-go see Rock. Yay! Have a great day.
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Friday, December 01, 2006
May your Faith never be Moved or Shaken…
Whoof…what a trip. How can so much happen so quickly, and yet go absolutely nowhere? It strange. Everyone wants Rock back, and no one likes the way it was handled, and yet…there is nothing said yet. How long will this go on?
So, on a happier note, perhaps this is a trust issue. Sure, we all want justice. Sure, our faith is being tested. Of course this is a trial that will make us stronger…right? Well, how on earth, in heaven, or anywhere between can we expect to grow as Christians if we don’t TRUST? Hmm? So instead of whining- trust. Instead of hoping- trust. Trust God. Trust that He doesn’t leave us hanging, or hoping fruitlessly, or dropped and dying. He’s God, right? What do we have to worry about, if we know, believe, and trust?
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Sunday, November 19, 2006
This Road
The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the Road has gone, And I must follow, if I can, Pursuing it with eager feet, Until it joins some larger way Where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say. - Tolkien
Ahh. Where else am I gonna go? Along some well-worn path, wide enough for millions of people, yet deadly enough to lead them wrong? Or along a forsaken, hidden way, trod by the few who are both the adventurous and the lovely; the bold and the strong; the believing and the Godly. This is the true way to Glory. Not the easy way, but the unsure way. Give yourself a pat on the back if you’re a trail-blazer…you’ve chosen the hardest road. Good for you.
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Monday, November 13, 2006
Guidance
We need to pray for guidance…for truth…for faith…I need to, anyway. My world’s getting shaken. This is throwing me off…my diet’s even screwed up. Ugh. That’s weird. Anyway, this’ll clear up soon, but I feel like I can’t wait for that to happen. I hope it does soon, because sometimes when a person’s faith is shaken, it doesn’t take much to destroy it completely. This will strengthen some, but I hope to God it doesn’t kill anyone. Please don’t let that happen, God…
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006
GOD HELP US ALL.
Let there be nothing hindering us from carrying out the will of God. But let us not hinder the wrath God will pour out on the sinful who lead His Church astray. I cannot, I will not, open my mouth other than to bless Rock, to praise God, and to pray for TRUTH to stand sovereign and unhindered by evil. May our lives reflect the purity of Christ.
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The Real Man
Funny, but a few days after I revamped my site to be a “Christ is the Real Man” thing, I had an experience with a real man of God.
Youth group was wild, and I’m not going to go into any details, names, etc., because I don’t want to gossip. But something rather drastic happened, and directly following Pastor Hendley’s resignation, it shook up the youth quite a bit. Rock began the announcement with a warning against gossiping and storytelling…and then launched into a bewildering statement, which he could not explain under orders from the elders. We were stunned. Following up came a teen, who without any delay admitted to the personal problem in front of the entire youth group, explained in detail, took full responsibility, and asked forgiveness. Besides the whirl of emotions in there was the dread that, even though indirectly, Rock had allowed an explanation and could lose his job. TWO incredible examples of real, honest, Christ-centered MEN showed themselves this Sunday, and no more could I fool myself into thinking I was in any way equal with either.
So, besides the apparent battles our church is going through, the looming threat of Rock’s loss-of-job (who’ll complain with me if that THOUGHT even occurs to anyone?) and the other nonsense thought up by the evil intent on our destruction, the church ITSELF, the people who make it up, are in need of constant prayer. Because of sin, Christ came to earth and died…He rose, instructed the disciples to become APOSTles, and sent them throughout the world, filled with the Holy Spirit, to form, feed, and grow the church into one body, under ONE head, with ONE, and ONLY ONE, God to worship. CHRIST is our head, and even the best pastor cannot replace Him. CHRIST is the Son of God, and even the most valuable treasure or the most beautiful person cannot compete for our adoration. And through Christ, we, children of God, can become REAL men and women, live as holy vessels of His spirit, and share Him with everyone who crosses our path.
Maybe when I’ve attained the status of Real Man, I’ll be able to face my Creator with more than a mumble. I’ll be able to tell Him that I’ve lived up to the kind of person I should be.
* * *
EDITED NOTE: My opinion of Rock has changed in light of recent events. For now, please focus on the message in the post, and not on the names or actual character of the men involved.
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Love…eww.
Riiight. What’s with that, anyway? Love? What IS that funny feeling you get in your gut like a ship in a gale, like a bird in an updraft…like an angel in the heavens. It’s a funny thing, love is. It’s got its own levels, its own gauges, its own autopilot, emergency brakes, and fuel tank warnings. Hmm…sounds like a plane…ready to crash. Well, really! Come on, it does! I know, I’m that hopeless kid who couldn’t get a date if I had the guts to ask, so what do I have to say about it?
Bleh. That’s what. BAH to the stuck-up, selfish, Hollywood-induced, good-for-nothing love-haters who twisted love…LOVE…God-given, pure, true Love. Patient, kind. Selfless. Believing. Enduring. Not overbearing. Never failing. And when you feel love like never before, the kind of love that would make you hug a hurt one…that would make you encourage an enemy, even if you lose…that would make you love a prodigal son…or daughter. Love you all.
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
Been a While
Howdy-doody.
I haven’t blogged much recently…been super-busy and doing all kinds of stuff recently…making me abnormally busy, of course. Started up the VPC Pictures again, with about 20 new people in the club, so we’re all making Eclipse. And I’ve been so blessed working with such truly-gifted teens. Even if they aren’t especially good at editing or acting or filming or directing or writing at the same time, they each have their gifts that they’re contributing. Last four weeks I’ve worked with Elizabeth, Alexa, Luke, and Jesse, re-working the script from it’s former pitiful state and turning it into (if I could say) quality stuff. All four have an incredible gift for writing and wording…making the lines and actions very accurate on screen is difficult, but they’re pulling it off…and they don’t even know what it’ll look like yet! God bless people like this, who are willing to step in, or step up, and use their talents for something special that they love. It’s been a great testimonial, and a wonderful time. Thanks guys.
So a prayer for the the rest of the year would be great, and not just for me or the movie, but for everyone I know, everyone you know…that this year would be rewarding, encouraging, fun, happy, and God-led, God-filled, and God-centered.
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Thursday, September 07, 2006
It’s a Bird, it’s a Plane…
No, it’s SUPERMAN!
So, college is going great. Fun stuff…got to strike up a friendship already in Biology with a cool dude named Eric…maybe after all this funky Evolution stuff, I’ll be able to share my beliefs with him through creation and my “world view.” Not just that the universe was created on Tuesday…
Now, after everything with my life, I’m still running into problems. “What? How??? Aren’t you, like, the greatest guy on earth?” No, no, thank you, thank you. Actually, I’m a terrible sinner… a horrible sin addict…a do-er of sin. Uh oh. I don’t think I should be reading this blog. No, but really. Where did we come into the picture? What makes us all think we’re Supermen in a sense, when all we’re thinking about is ourselves and how to stay alive most comfortably today? We have no right to impose our sense of justice on the world…when it (our sense of justice) is so hard-nosed that we couldn’t follow it ourselves. We’re just weird that way. So I like Superman, partly because he’s kinda ironic, and partly because he’s completely unattainable. Like God…in blue tights and a cape.
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Thursday, August 24, 2006
Brevard Community College and its EVILS
I’m writing from a computer in BCC. It’s pretty awesome. I’ve finished my second class and I’m about to go into Com 1 with Daniel Gierling and another friend. The funny thing is, the actual classes aren’t long or hard…it’s when I get home and look at everything that I’m going to scream. Sweetness.
So yeah, today’s a college day. I’m a college kid! (isn’t that a Relient K song?) A little early, a bit easy, quite irresponsible, but altogether crazy, hard, and cool. Biology is somewhat easier, because I already know a lot of the content from two years ago, but the communications class is a bugger, and the ecology is gonna be tough. My ecology teacher is crazy. The kind of crazy that makes you giggle, and then look worried. But both Gierling boys are in it with me, so we get to laugh about it afterwards. Pretty neat.
Well, something I wanted to say…Oh, right. After several years of dreading college, hoping that “maybe I’ll just join the workforce at eighteen” (yeah right…if your dad’s smart, he’ll beat you senseless until you give in) I’m actually taking courses at a local college fifteen minutes away. Scary. But that’s life, I guess. Well, what to make of it? I’m involved in an activity that I would normally consider an adult thing to do…wait…am I an adult? Have I finally hit that stage? Phisaw. Sometimes I feel like a 5-year-old, and others like an 80-year-old…probably neither is right, and both are due to that special teenage feeling called “Everybody’s-looking-at-me-and-I-feel-like-the-center-of-the-universe” syndrome. (it’s called something else, I think, but I can’t remember the word.) So I have to make the best of this, and remember that I’m still growing up and won’t stop until I’m about ninety or so. Keep pluggin’ along, peoples. See ya around.
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Thursday, August 17, 2006
Another Day…
…another dollar…another moment in the infinite fabric of space and time.
Whew. College is hard. And I haven’t even started. I’m looking, praying, looking, praying…it’s kind of an endless loop. Oh well, if I’m supposed to go, I will. But hey, I wanted to say something.
While on this expedition to discover a strange new world (of education? heh. yeah right) I’m discovering my true friends and what they’re about. Sometimes the stickiest situation can bring out the best in people, after you look past the muttering, grumbling- no, just kidding. I’ll be scouting, so if anyone’s got some ideas for “bone fide” colleges with degrees in video, art, etc., drop me a note. Thanks. Have a good one.
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Wednesday, August 09, 2007
Sunrises, Summers, School Books, and Such
Speechless?
So was I. I went to the beach this morning with about ten other friends and watched my first sunrise. Not only that, but I got to hang out with a few awesome people, say good-bye to Michael as he leaves for college, and reflect on what has just happened. Have I had my own sunrise? Has a mystery of life just peeked its head over the horizon and shone into my life? The eternal question: What about Life? is beginning to shape itself into many forms, and all that needs being done is to single one out and follow with a willing heart.
College is coming fast. As Michael has discovered, it not only affects your life, but the lives of others as well. And leaving is the easiest. What about afterwards? How are you gonna live your life? What will spur you on to the point where your life is nothing but God? Jesus Christ Himself. He is the only way, the only choice, the ONLY way to…salvation? Yes. To eternal life. To overflowing love, peace, and joy. The road isn’t always smooth and paved, but the way can be beautiful…more beautiful than that sunrise up there.
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Monday, August 07, 2006
It’s the hot new question on the air…the talk of the town:
WHERE DID SUMMER GO???
It’s amazing how quickly it passed, and how much still remains to do. Suddenly, one finds oneself planning midnight movies and trips to each other’s houses for sleepovers…back-to-school parties run rampant, driving late at night no longer holds horror for bed-time-suppressed teens, and smoking six packs a day and drinking super-mocha lattes keeps the adults at their peak…until school starts. Watch…suddenly, there will be multiple-car pile-ups from seven different drivers unexplainably falling asleep at the intersection; school clinics will be topped off with students finding they have more eyeball crust than usual; and the companies and corporations will have to downsize from their lack of alert employees. I love Summer.
But seriously, what have you done this Summer? Was your Summer worth anything? How about boredom? Were you constantly looking for something to do, continually searching for that filler in you schedule; in your life; in your heart? Where are you now? Looking forward to doing something all year? Or looking back on the last year and smiling, because you accomplished something and you’re so VERY proud of it. Perhaps your life isn’t all that dull after all…
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Friday, August 04, 2006
Beautiful People
I love beautiful people.
Wow. That sounded a little wrong there…but wait. I haven’t gotten to the good part yet. Do you know what beautiful people are? It’s not just the facial they had last Monday, or the long blond hair, or the large brown eyes, or the way they look at you. No, and that’s just the girls. People have to beautiful on the inside before they can be considered beautiful on the outside. It’s the heart, the attitude, the spirit, the will, and the love that shines out of them so you can see it from eight miles away. Amazing things come of these beautiful people.
For instance, I was having a conversation with a beautiful person yesterday. I suddenly discovered that not only did I have the wrong mindset about this beautiful person, but that in no way could I surpass or even make even with this person. I’ve given up trying, because no matter how hard I achieve to be beautiful in the way I describe, I will always be outdone by this person. It’s quite exciting. Thank You God, for beautiful people.
